Butt of Many Jokes

Mark this day, folks.  The first "Butt" joke was born.  All by accident.

So, I am about to bathe.  Bathing for me right now is a complicated task.  I have to turn the batteries off of both of my remotes that I wear 24/7.  Then, I have to "tie" the two grey wires.  This entails a very creative twist of them, and when I am done, they criss-cross between my boobs, and wrap around my neck where they are "tied."  Sex-y!  Then I proceeded to "take a bath" I'll leave those lovely details out.

I dry off and untie my wires and let them hang at my sides. They come within three inches of the floor, so I can walk freely without tripping on them.  I dress and then pull the wires up and underneath my shirt so that I can hook my remotes onto my bra.  I then reconnect the remotes to the wires.  When I hook them to my bra, I reverse them so that the remotes are on top of my bra, not under it.  I'm all hooked up and I turn them on.  Two green lights, one for each, tell me that they're on.  I adjust the stimulation with the tiny dial to "2".  Sometimes, it is hard to feel it at first and the position of my body can make the sensations either stronger or weaker.  My right side was weaker. I blindly adjusted and it was fine at three.  I did the other side and again, blindly went to turn it down... turned it.

My left leg went straight out to my side, my hair probably stood on end and I could hear my cells freaking out.  I had put that remote on backwards and thus turned the dial way up instead of way down.  I think I screamed some weird gibberish that freaked my dog out. 

(Go to the 1:54 mark to see what I am talking about)

 I retold this story to Rob who made me re-enact this scene THREE times (without shocking myself).  I can already tell that this is just the beginning of a plethora of opportunities for me to be the butt of some very electrifying humor.

As he left, my mind went straight to Cousin Ed from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.  I recited the following to my husband as he exited our bedroom:

He laughed, heartily.  My bionic butt. *sigh*

Let the jokes begin.

Peace,

Mary