Strange Sensation

12:52 am
Pain level 8

I wanted to take photos and share them with you and to share my utmost joy in taking the first real shower that I've been able to take in just under three weeks.

I wanted to.

But I couldn't.

I think everything hit me at once, today.  Constipation from the pain meds, a bad flare from drinking fruit juice that I should not have had, but had to have because I didn't have any glucose tablets.  My blood sugar plummeted to 51 at 1:100 am yesterday morning. The only thing I could do was down some white chocolate chips and a glass of either OJ, or cranberry juice.  I chose the latter.  I HAD to get my glucose level back up, and if that's the only way, so be it.  But, I'm paying for it with a wicked flare.

The pain of actually feeling the two machines inside my body kicked in.  The realization that I had them inside my body sent me into what I could call a small panic attack.  With all of the wonderful and good things that they are doing for me, they are still a very foreign thing. Two rather large pieces of metal are now forever inside my body. It's a strange feeling. Not physically, but mentally.  I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this for some reason.  It bothers me. It's almost like a feeling of claustrophobia, only I'm not stuck inside something; something is stuck inside me.  And I have no control over that.  Ever.

I've been to the bathroom more times than I can count.  My constipation came to a thunderous end.  TMI... sorry.  Again, it's proof that my InterStims are working!

Still, I broke down tonight.  I simply needed some comfort.  Comfort from my husband.  He sat with me, and talked softly to me, taking my mind off of my pain and anxieties.  He's wonderful.

Reality is sinking in that while this surgery was nowhere near as painful as the first part, I am not Wonder Woman and must lay low for a while.  Laying low.  On my belly.  That too is getting old.  Right now, I'm sitting on my bed, trying not to lean over to see what I'm typing. Thank God for spell-check.  I can't stay in this position much longer, so I will wrap this up.

I didn't want to go without an update.  Tomorrow, I'll take pics of my lovely black and blue booty.  Maybe.  I do think it's important to share the healing process.  I promise.  For now, I'm going to turn on my Yoga Nidra (I highly recommend some if you're stressed, tired and can't sleep, or if you're hurting... it does take the mind away from these things) and drift off onto a peaceful flight... I hope.

Until next time,

Don't be hero: Take the pain meds if you need them!

Peace.